I have repressed my desire to crossdress for many decades now, thinking that it was wrong and that I could make it go away. I would still dress up occasionally, but felt like I was dirty and embarrassed that I did not fit into the roles that were assigned to me by society. Over the past years I realised that repressing the urge to let my feminine side out was really hurting me mentally and emotionally. I realised just recently that it wasn’t wrong for me to present as feminine at times. So I plan to start spending some time dressed as my feminine side. So I have gone out and acquired a new (to me) dress that fits and is flattering to my present body shape. I have ordered some new feminine underwear (because boxers really ruin a silhouette). I am planning on getting more clothes, and have already found some more dresses to purchase. Since I live near the ocean and enjoy swimming in it during the summer, I have some bikini bottoms coming to replace my old swim trunks. Maybe when I feel more comfortable, I will try my hand at makeup.
I don’t want to enhance my chest, either fake or real, right now. I don’t feel like I am trapped in the wrong gender. I don’t find it sexual or arousing to dress up, I just want to feel pretty.
When I was younger I wanted to wear skirts and look pretty, but back then boys were boys and did not dress as girls. My dad got me a subscription to an adult magazine, but all I could see is the things that I could not have. Pretty clothes (what little they showed) and a confident beauty. I tried to pick costumes for Hallowe’en that would let me dress up as feminine, but it was always changed to the masculine form.
Amy Rankin 