Tag Archives: intro

I have been repressing my desire to crossdress ever since the 90s while I was in High school. When I first moved out and was living on my own, I still repressed my desire. Sure I would dress up for Hallowe’en, but it was just one day and never filled the hole. Also I would just go wild; big hair, big butt padding, big fake breasts, and over the top makeup. Just make it out as a joke.

I would always feel dirty if I thought about dressing up, because I was taught boys were boys and could not dress as girls. It really caused a lot of emotional scaring that I am slowly realising is there.

I have been doing research (amazed at how many different ideas are out there), and I think I am either bigender or genderfluid. I think that these fit because I feel both masculine and feminine at times with the ratio going either way depending on the day I am having. Like at work (physical) I am more masculine than feminine, but come the weekend (relaxing) the feminine side wants to be in charge.

This week I have started to listen to myself and started getting clothes together. I think that I am going to use this blog as a diary of sorts, and see what happens.

I have repressed my desire to crossdress for many decades now, thinking that it was wrong and that I could make it go away. I would still dress up occasionally, but felt like I was dirty and embarrassed that I did not fit into the roles that were assigned to me by society. Over the past years I realised that repressing the urge to let my feminine side out was really hurting me mentally and emotionally. I realised just recently that it wasn’t wrong for me to present as feminine at times. So I plan to start spending some time dressed as my feminine side. So I have gone out and acquired a new (to me) dress that fits and is flattering to my present body shape. I have ordered some new feminine underwear (because boxers really ruin a silhouette). I am planning on getting more clothes, and have already found some more dresses to purchase. Since I live near the ocean and enjoy swimming in it during the summer, I have some bikini bottoms coming to replace my old swim trunks. Maybe when I feel more comfortable, I will try my hand at makeup.

I don’t want to enhance my chest, either fake or real, right now. I don’t feel like I am trapped in the wrong gender. I don’t find it sexual or arousing to dress up, I just want to feel pretty.

When I was younger I wanted to wear skirts and look pretty, but back then boys were boys and did not dress as girls. My dad got me a subscription to an adult magazine, but all I could see is the things that I could not have. Pretty clothes (what little they showed) and a confident beauty. I tried to pick costumes for Hallowe’en that would let me dress up as feminine, but it was always changed to the masculine form.

Hi, I’m Amy (a feminised version of my male name), and here is a little about myself.

I am AMAB [assigned male at birth], but I identify as bigender [‘two genders’ or ‘double gender’], so I present as male and cross dress to present as a female. ⚥

I have been dressing on and off (mostly off) since I was 12 or 13. I had to hide my true self for many years because of society pressures to present as male because that was how I was born. Now that I am in my mid-40s and married to a supportive partner and I’m now getting ready to start a new chapter in my life. A chapter that gives me the freedom to be who I am on the inside and the strength to share it with the world. After many purges over the decades, I have started to build up my wardrobe again and having a blast actually going into stores and trying the clothes on.

I’m interested in historical reenactment, and am starting to work toward presenting as female when I go to events. So there will the posts about that, but hopefully that will not be all that I post about.